Join the Dark Side
by SailorSilvanesti
Summary: So Very AU, but Hilarious. Harry, Ron & Hermione are forced to confront a Cookie-weilding side of Voldemort that is far scarier than his evil persona...will they survive? Please Read & Review. 60th Fanfic!


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter...I am just one weird little bunny who likes to write Random Things for fun.**

**AWESOME NEWS! This is my _60th_ Fanfic!**

**This was prompted by a random conversation...see if you can guess...**

* * *

><p><strong>Join the Dark Side…<strong>

**~)0(~**

"_H-Harry_?" came the high, strained voice of the Weasley beside him, "_I'm…I'm scared_." The tone trembled slightly, as did the hand that was hanging close to his own; Hermione remained silent, but her eyes were wide enough to project a movie in an IMAX theatre…

"Me too, Ron…_Me too…_" he confided in a low, gravelly whisper, not quite sure how to take what was going on… Loosely bound to chairs, the trio had awoken in, -what appeared to be- a Muggle Kitchen with depressingly bland white _everything_…and a grinning Voldemort.

Let's recap_… A grinning __**Voldemort**__._

They were right to be terrified…and yet, not once had he tried to harm them; not once had the thought seemed to occur to the Dark Lord that, considering they were at his mercy, he might as well…you know, get on with the 'killing them' part of the plan. On the contrary, after he'd freed them all –though fear was paralysing enough to keep them in place- he had then done the strangest thing…

He started to spruke off some pre-prepared spiel that gave them the impression it was like a nineteen-fifties recruitment video for some big-shot Muggle Corporation… "And there are many advantages to joining the Dark Side that I am certain none of you have ever even considered…for example-…" Voldemort paused as there was a great '_Ding_' heard through the room. It stifled Harry's, "_What on Earth is going on here_?" alongside Ron's, "_Are you mental, why would I join the Dark Side_? _Hang on, is that-…?_" and the way Hermione smacked him for thinking of his stomach at such a crucial time…

With a flick of his wand, Voldemort's arraignment changed to a more…_unique_ outfit, to be sure. Two giant, padded oven-mitts of a strange aquamarine adorned his hands as the Dark Lord popped open the oven door and snatched at something inside...  
>The Trio compressed themselves into a single unit, close enough to meld into one another…who knew <em>what in Merlin's Name<em> the crazy wizard had in that oven!

Whirling about in a rather dramatic display that showed off his lovely frilly pink apron –that hadn't been there a moment ago-, Voldemort was again beaming. "For example…we have cookies!" he said with a peppy showman-style tone; which was quite concerning if your name currently ended in Weasley, Potter or Granger.

For a second…no one moved, nor dared breathe…

And then, Ron broke the ice, stepping forwards and snatching a cookie with an inquisitive, "Well, I'm convinced! What other benefits are there to being evil…?" which sent Harry and Hermione into identical fits of surprise and a tinge of horror. Hermione shouted, "_RON_! How could you throw us –_your best friends and the fate of the generalised Wizarding World_- over for…for…for a _flipping cookie_!"

Ron looked peeved, "Hey, there's still a tray-full, not like I ate them all or anything, and anyway…you can still join… These are delicious, by the way!" he complimented a suddenly-blushing Voldemort…though how that was possible, no one knew. Harry's lips parted to emit a clever retort…and snapped shut as he lost his train of thought and a high squeak erupted instead, exceptionally embarrassing when your arch-nemesis is in the same room. Voldemort waved it off with a definite, '_Don't worry about it, happens to all of us!_' air. Hermione was again at the attack, "And what on _Earth_ do you think the Dark Side could _possibly _offer that would make us drop all our principles, all we have struggled to gain, to join it?"

Ron gave them a good showing of half-chewed cookie bits as his mouth fell open to respond…but instead, it was Voldemort who answered, still smiling. "The Dark Side has _Draco Malfoy_…"

It was impossible to tell if it was Harry or Hermione who stepped forwards faster, screaming, "_Sign me up!_"

* * *

><p><strong>The End.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>If you guessed, "Come to the Dark Side, We Have Cookies!" you were correct.<strong>

**Hope you liked it, please REVIEW.**

**~*SailorSilvanesti/Phoenix Fire*~**


End file.
